Writing to release unresolved pain
People say that if they wrote a book about their life, they would have ten books, but they never write one. It is the average person who talks a lot, but never writes. To write, you need to have a large vocabulary to be expressive, and to have a large vocabulary, you need to read a lot and write a lot. That's what writing is all about, and that's why people can't write a life story that would normally last more than ten volumes, and by the time they try to write something, the energy is gone. Perhaps the story has moved on to find someone else to write it. It waited for years for someone to write it.
There are many best-selling authors who have been accused of writing a story I was going to write and you stole my story. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the mega-bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love,” says she's been called names at fan signings. But the story belongs to the writer. You have to write it while it's fresh in your mind, while it's spinning.
There's a book called “Women of Paris” by Jean Miran. This book is also about the inner lives of French women, inspired by the author's friend's mother, who told her that when she tried to write in her old age, she couldn't because the stories were flying out of her head.
The book tells the stories of five different women. One of them, Claire, is a professional translator who graduated from the Paris Business School her father wanted her to attend, but instead of pursuing a career in business, she is a linguistic prodigy and translates five languages-English, French, Portuguese, Spanish, and German. After a marriage, divorce, and subsequent relationship gone wrong that left her and her two daughters deeply scarred, Claire fears that her life will repeat itself in a spiral for her daughters. She escapes the pain of reality by translating languages and traveling to other worlds, and author Jean Miran hopes that she can release her pain through writing.
“The fact that she is trying to write something tells me that she still has unresolved pain.
I want Clare to finish writing his story.”
To write about something, the author says, is to have unresolved pain. A person who talks a lot about himself has unresolved resentments. So I tell that story over and over again, in every situation and with every person I meet. People get tired of it and walk away. There are people like me who feel the need to write when there is no one to listen anymore, and there are others who write because they want to get the pain and suffering out and look at it objectively, like an accident that keeps happening automatically no matter how much counseling and therapy they do. Some people write because they're sensitive, and they feel a lot of things that other people don't.
Can writing about unresolved pain help? People have buried stories. We have buried feelings. We each need to examine those feelings and soothe ourselves. If you bury them in your unconscious and don't take care of them, the law of conservation of mass turns them into strange energies that you are not conscious of, and they sometimes manifest in perverted ways. Occasionally, high-ranking government officials are caught in the act and are publicly humiliated and removed from their positions. There was a prosecutor in Jeju Island who was reported for indecent behavior in public and got embarrassed. It's important to recognize that we all have human needs, even if we act like we don't, and to take care of those feelings. If you pretend you don't have those feelings, if you pretend you're not that person, you'll eventually develop those perverse tendencies and lose control of yourself. The unconscious mind is powerful. The power of our unconscious mind is so strong that any negative emotion or desire that we bury in our unconscious mind can lead us to our own destruction.
As a professional translator, Claire has translated more than 400 books in 20 years and put her two daughters through college, but they don't want to be independent. She suffered from the stress of raising and financially supporting them. She is deeply hurt by her mother's coldness and lack of affection for her giftedness, and by her father's refusal to admit to her that she killed her chances at business school by staying in translation despite her brilliance. Yet she silently accepts this unfair treatment.
If she faces all that pain, all that heartache, with all the strength she can muster, and meets her feelings, mourns what she mourns, hurts what she hurts, curses what she curses, and takes care of herself, she will no longer put up with such unfair treatment. If she can face those unconscious feelings and objectify her pain by writing it down, and finally see herself objectively, she will be able to kick her daughters out of the house and stand on their own two feet, express her frustration with her cold mother, and question her father's narcissistic demands and expectations. And she will demand that they respect her and not belittle her. If that attitude is not accepted, then she will organize her relationship with them, give more importance to her own feelings, no longer put herself in an environment that will depress her, and consider more of what she wants in her life.
By touching her pain in writing, she will realize that she will not have to be reborn as a “slender woman” in the next life, but will be able to live a fulfilling and happy life as if she were reborn in this life, and that a full life is something that she can create for herself, without expecting some man outside of herself to change her life. One of the most effective ways to care for ourselves without neglect is to write about our pain.
Some people go to counseling. Some people go to psychoanalysis, some people go to psychiatry, but no matter what outside help we get, we have to face our pain and put it down on paper because eventually we have to stand up for ourselves. Then we will realize that we are no longer the object of someone else's needs, but the subject. We will no longer be swayed by social conventions and will know and respect our own feelings and thoughts, and will be able to lead our lives according to them and say no to them. In all areas of life, we get to know our own unique tastes, and writing out of pain will end up being about getting to know ourselves.
Therefore, we must put our pain and suffering into words. We need to reorganize our lives, subtract what we need to subtract, add what we need to add, and organize what we need to organize. Through this process, our pain will become a shining star in our hearts, not an ache, and I will not be a suffering individual, but a happiness-seeking individual with a clear sense of individuality and the ability to love myself.
